Just watched the new show, Canada Sings. And during the second song I cried.
I’m not sure what her name was, but the plus-size girl from 1-800-GOT-JUNK, just…when she hurt herself during the practice…you could see the shame and fear on her face, and hear it in her words. “I don’t want to be the fat girl who hurt herself. I don’t want to be the weak link.” I could see all the self-hatred and embarrassment I’ve ever felt in my weakest of moments, and knew exactly how she felt. That moment when you just know that people are judging you, that maybe you’re not good at something, and everyone is going to attribute to your weight and nothing else. Except the worst I’ve ever felt that is during dancing classes (…well, lessons that they made us take in drama class), ‘trust exercises’ (hah. I didn’t trust my partner, and with good reason. The one time I fell, he didn’t even *try* to catch me-he took a step back. If I hadn’t been half-expecting that, I would have fallen on my ass.), and things like that. Performances I wasn’t ready for, things I wasn’t confident about my skill.
She went on NATIONAL TELEVISION. And she knew she was going to do that, in front of a huge audience and television cameras. And she had that sick sense of dread I and others like us know way too well. You could see it on her face, and if you know it, you felt it along with her.
But during the dance, she did wonderful. <3 There was this beautiful moment where she was backlit by the light and dancing, and it was tear-jerking. And then when they one, and she held the statue…Oh.
So happy I watched it.
I’m not sure what her name was, but the plus-size girl from 1-800-GOT-JUNK, just…when she hurt herself during the practice…you could see the shame and fear on her face, and hear it in her words. “I don’t want to be the fat girl who hurt herself. I don’t want to be the weak link.” I could see all the self-hatred and embarrassment I’ve ever felt in my weakest of moments, and knew exactly how she felt. That moment when you just know that people are judging you, that maybe you’re not good at something, and everyone is going to attribute to your weight and nothing else. Except the worst I’ve ever felt that is during dancing classes (…well, lessons that they made us take in drama class), ‘trust exercises’ (hah. I didn’t trust my partner, and with good reason. The one time I fell, he didn’t even *try* to catch me-he took a step back. If I hadn’t been half-expecting that, I would have fallen on my ass.), and things like that. Performances I wasn’t ready for, things I wasn’t confident about my skill.
She went on NATIONAL TELEVISION. And she knew she was going to do that, in front of a huge audience and television cameras. And she had that sick sense of dread I and others like us know way too well. You could see it on her face, and if you know it, you felt it along with her.
But during the dance, she did wonderful. <3 There was this beautiful moment where she was backlit by the light and dancing, and it was tear-jerking. And then when they one, and she held the statue…Oh.
So happy I watched it.
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